Things have changed so much since I last published on Xanga. Just to name a few of these changes: 1. I do not type obnoxiously anymore.
I cringe when I see the crap that I typed years ago. I'm sorry to anyone I emailed, IMmed, or xanga-d then: forgive me. 2. I found that I enjoy spending time with little kids and old people: not so much with people caught between the two dichotomous age groups.
I realized mid-2004 that volunteering makes me happy. 3. I love working out.
Running and hitting the gym make me healthier and happier. I swear, there's nothing like feeling sore for a day or two after a particularly strenuous workout: when I lean over and feel the soreness in my constricting obliques, or when I reach for an item and feel the pain in my upper back and triceps... ahh. Love working out. and being outdoors with my friends. I have great friends. 4. I have fabulous career plans.
I'd always thought I wanted to be a lawyer in the US Dept of Justice (DOJ), fighting for justice and for the American people. After interning at the DOJ and other Depts, I've come to the conclusion that I can't become a lawyer. I want to fight for the same values, but in a more burdening, passionate, service-related way. I don't want to pull a 9-to-5, then go home and forget about the office: what I want is a grueling, physically- and emotionally- and professionally-intensive career. Perpetual dedication to country (operationalized by the work itself, and the dedication to physical training that is implicit in this work). Three letters. 5. I'm jaded.
I don't know what happened, but one day I just woke up and understood that:
- my version of "true love" doesn't exist
- the world is suffering (warring nations, trippy economy, ever-increasing populations of ridiculously annoying people, sad children, sex trafficking)
- the Institution of Religion is not for me. God, my Savior, the Bible, praying, yes; but institutionalized religion, NO
- people delude themselves to get through life. They need to. Things that haven't changed since you all heard from me last: 1. I still believe in our justice system, and our federal government. And George W. Bush. And the military's efforts.
I wholly support the federal government's efforts. And since "the masses are asses" (Alexander Hamilton), I trust that the men and women we place at the head of the United States make omniscient decisions to help our nation keep standing proudly. 2. I eat ravenously.
I freaking LOVE cooking, figuring out new recipes, adding personal touches to food, trying new foods, going out to eat.. anything to do with food, I think. 3. I look exactly the same as I did in 2004. 4. Even though I'm jaded, I euphemistically say I'm "realistic." But fear not, there is hope for me: I'm also idealistic. So if we must label, I'm a realistic idealist: I accept the truth, and work to improve it.
I acknowledge that:
- there is some version of love out there: most people don't recognize it. I hope I will
- the world is suffering, but we can make it better. Even if you don't want to, I will
- it is possible and very normal to have a spiritual relationship with God without adhering to the institutional aspect of religion
- I am very good at deluding myself to get through life. | 
